Friday, February 10, 2006

Picard vs. Reynolds

In geek-land, there is no better fight than the one: "Who would win in a fight between..."
So in that tradition, I give you Captain Jean-Luc Picard of the Federation Starship “USS Enterprise” vs. Captain Malcolm Reynolds of the Firefly Transport “Serenity”.

Picard: Will use diplomacy until diplomacy fails, and then will try it again.
Mal: Wears his diplomacy on his hip.

Picard: Has a first officer with a big a** ego.
Mal: Has a first officer with a big a** gun.

Picard: Can speak French
Mal: Can swear in Chinese

Picard: Has a Klingon security officer with a mini phaser set to: “stun”
Mal: Has Jayne with a Callahan full-bore auto-lock set to: “pool of your own blood”

Picard: Has an empathic councilor who can sense your feelings
Mal: Has a telepathic girl who can kill you with her brain

Picard: Pretended to be a pirate and a smuggler… once
Mal: Is a pirate and a smuggler

Picard: Can handle a sword and can sometimes win.
Mal: Can’t handle a sword, but can still win.

Picard: Is a Fed
Mal: Once shot a Fed in the head and dumped his body in the desert on Whitefall.

Picard: Is a Fed
Mal: Once beat a Fed senseless and then tied him to a guardrail.

Picard: Enjoys horseback riding in the English style
Mal: Rides a horse when needed. Style don’t much matter.

Picard: Has a doctor who’s in the chain of command
Mal: Has a doctor who’s been threatened with the chain of command

Picard: Would never think of striking another member of the crew without there being extreme circumstances.
Mal: Will hit members of the crew, sometimes with fists, other times with a wrench, either way it is hi-larious.

Picard: Sits in his ready room
Mal: Has Captainy things to do

Picard: Has several fine women on board
Mal: Has a hooker on board

Picard: Might have paid for it in the past…his first officer sure has
Mal: Has a hooker on board

Picard: Has several shuttle craft
Mal: Has two shuttles… one has a hooker

Picard: Has enemies that really only want your planet, or your ship, and might want to enslave you… possibly kill you quickly in the worse case.
Mal: Has enemies that want to rape you, eat you and then wear you around. If you’re really lucky, they’ll kill you first. They might even strap your broken body to the nose of their ship as a trophy. That’s the best-case scenario.

Picard: Has traveled through time, through wormholes, and has battled omniscient super beings
Mal: Umm... Did I mention that HE HAS A HOOKER ON BOARD!

I'd say... Mal wins. Any Questions?

1 comment:

Frogger said...

you are funny...and right!!!!

You have frog fear....but I AM the frog!!!

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