Monday, March 03, 2008

Bond vs. Bourne





Last night, my 13-year-old daughter came in while I was watching The Bourne Identity and asked who would win in a fight between Jason Bourne and James Bond. She totally thought that Bourne would be able to kick Bond’s butt without breaking a sweat, and my wife tends to agree.
Here are my thoughts:

Sean Connery Bond:
Bourne is a dead man, hands down. Connery had the coolness factor going for him. He could kill Bourne in a hand to hand, in a tux, without spilling his martini. Don’t forget the girl, he’d have time to kiss the girl with the suggestive name at least 3 times during the fight. And we’re not talking about quick pecks. I’m talking about lips, tongues… the whole enchilada (as it were).

Roger Moore Bond:
This embodiment of Bond would have a harder time with Bourne. He would definitely spill the martini, but would use the broken stem to dispatch Bourne with a stab through the throat. He would then have to change his tux for a white dinner jacket. And there would be two girls with suggestive names on his arms… but only after the fight.

Timothy Dalton Bond:
Bourne kills Bond with a single punch through the chest, pulling out his still beating heart, and then spitting in the hole. He might even kill the girl as well. I hate to say that, since Dalton is Welsh… but facts are what they are.

Pierce Brosnan Bond:
This one is much more complicated, because Remington Steele could kill Bourne in a flat out hand to hand without messing his hair. But, Brosnan as Bond would die. It would be a good fight, don’t get me wrong about that, but in the end, Bond would be dead and Bourne would walk away with a severe limp… and the girl.

I don’t know enough about the other two to even make a decision…

So, there’s my answer to a very simple question. I’m afraid that my wife and daughter don’t agree with me. Such is life.





1 comment:

Aegthelion said...

Bourne would kill George Lazenby (On Her Majesty's Secret Service a.k.a. WORST BOND EVER) just by walking into the same room as him. There isn't ever a real fight here.

Daniel Craig (new bond) would take a thrashing from Bourne, but in the end would come back to deliver a visceral beat down upon Bourne. All the while looking very grim.

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