Tuesday, January 26, 2010

An Open Letter to Stephenie Meyer

Dear Steph,
After reading a few of the thousands of articles people have written about your Twilight Series, I’ve come to realize that there is quite a bit of hate out there, and that most of that venom is not only targeted at your books, but at you as a person. And I am sad to admit that, yes, I’m one of them, and I shouldn’t be. I should be above such petty feelings.
I mean, you’re just a writer, a story teller, and an entertainer, right? Is it really your fault that Bella is such a despicable, two dimensional, self centered tramp? I mean… you had nothing to do with her creation did you? Characters write themselves as part of the writing process… right? Afterall, you didn’t have any control over the fact that Edward is so over-the-top perfectly gorgeous and sensitive; that he’s such an Adonis that no real man on the planet could ever hope measure up to him. I know that I could never stand up to the standard that you… I mean… that Edward set for himself.
So what if you quite literally dug up the bones of Bram Stoker and spat in his decomposing face. I mean, what did he know about vampires? He wasn’t Romanian… he was Irish for crying out loud. What do the Irish know about the supernatural? Leprechauns, Yes… Vampires, No! He didn’t know anything about vampires, and certainly didn’t write the seminal work on the subject; the book that all subsequent vampire books had to deal with. Well, you certainly didn’t deal with that fraud, did you?
I have an idea. You should write a fantasy novel next. Yes, a fantasy novel with lots of modern teen angst, and perfectly proportioned, yet slavish, men. And you could totally ignore Tolkien, too. You could totally trample on that stupid little novella he wrote about the Lord of the Rings… who ever that wimp was… Sheesh! I mean, who wants to read some book about a guy who loves hula-hoops?
Don’t you think that’s a good idea? Tell you what… I feel so much better after writing this letter, that I’m not going to hate you as a person anymore. I’ll respect you as a writer and as an artist, and confine my hate to… I don’t know… maybe just your guts. Ya, I think that will work.
Keep up the good work.
Sincerely yours,

1 comment:

Stacie said...

I just have to say, that I giggled all the way through this letter. Though whether or not I agree or disagree. Because of the multi-millions of dollars she has made off of her strange interpretation of vampires. I'm thinking that she could take your advice and totally trample the Lord of The Rings and still bank another 5 mill. I'm thinking it may have been worth it. :-). I wish I could come up with some totally ridiculous story that would make me a multi-millionaire.
By the way, have a great day!

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